Thursday, June 29, 2006

Sanctimonious Icebox? Don't think so.

Well you know a lot of people say that Toronto is a sanctimonious icebox, that's its uptight and too politically correct and you have to play ultimate Frisbee for three years before people will allow you into their social group. And OK sure this is the same city that wouldn't let the Bare Naked Ladies play in Nathan Philips square because of their "controversial" name and yes its the same place that wouldn't let Toronto based Ms Universe Natalie Glebova link to story speak at that same square because beauty contests are too sexist. HOWEVER, Mr Toronto was looking to illustrate that that is simply not the case. I joined the gay pride parade on Sunday, June 25th. Now gay pride is about as unuptight as you can get. Leather boys and caribana queens syncro dance with drag kings and lipstick lesbian hotties. Its a real departure from the Toronto that is mired in Protestant conservatism (and the same city culture that didn't have an outdoor cafe until 1968 -The Diplomatico). The parade hall monitors almost kicked me out which was going a ways towards showing that even a gay pride parade can be uptight when something FABULOUS happened. Aggressive hot lesbians tore off all my clothes. Yes that's right I was ravaged and left as breathless and naked as a Conan the Barbarian love interest.

I began my standard "here's me" dancepanther approach to a stunning brunette with Jackie O sunglasses- that seemed to be going well. My latin dance training was coming in handy. The slow yet sensual approach created a space and began to captivate the crowd. The music was building to some sort of crescendo.Tout a coup a blonde surfgirl grabbed my hips from behind and began a grinding thing. Who was I to complain? Jackie O had a rascally look in her eye and moved to the beat slowly closer to me. Smiling devilishly. With a sudden lunge (keep in mind there are hundreds of people watching along Yonge Street) Jackie grabs my shirt as the blonde surf woman tightened her grip on my hips and Jackie rips off the shirt in one tiger-like tear. A leather boy and a Pippi Longstocking of some description joined in the strip Mr Toronto fray. The music exploded into full bass bashing swing. As my chest was exposed to the sun, I gasped and the crowd went bananas. My shirt was in shreds, my pants were partially ripped and left drooping around my ankles. I was left to gather my tattered clothing and my dignity and limp along the rest of the parade route.

Sanctimonious Icebox? I think not.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Home for a Rest

After my world wind trip out West, I have finally made it home to my beloved Toronto.

The CN tower never looked so beautiful as I drove back into the city. It nearly cause a small tear to form in my eye. I LOVE THIS CITY!!! The more I travelled, the greater this city looks. Yeah, Vancouver, Banff, Calgary, and Edmonton were nice and have their little place in Canada. But TORONTO is KING!

So now I am going to take a little break to rest my weary body from all the (neck) hugs I have received, and enjoy this wonderful city I call home before I travel to the East.

I have to admit; this was a great trip, met nice people, ate well, drank better and had a great time. BUT and here is the BIG BUT.

Mr. TORONTO is VERY UNHAPPY about one thing.

Mr. TORONTO’s PRIZE possession is missing. Mr. Toronto’s now very famous Maple Leaf/Gretzky Jersey is gone (and yes, Mr. Toronto realizes Mr. Toronto is referring to himself in third person). Someone has ‘borrowed’ the jersey right from under Mr. Toronton in Edmonton. Perhaps it is because Toronto is such a safe place that Mr. Toronto has grown less vigilant about his personal property, and missed the culprit in action. Well Mr. Toronto is VERY sad right now and has to go walking in his much-adored town to try and make sense of this evil shirt-napping.

If anyone knows anything about this shirt, please contact Mr. Toronto via this website.

Please don’t keep Mr. Toronto crying, especially since he no longer have a jersey worthy to wipe his tears with.

Monday, June 19, 2006

More Edmonton Pictures!

Go Leafs Go! Er, I mean Oilers, although, we all know who they are looking to for inspiration. S'funny - they chant let's Go Oilers but all the posters say Go Oilers Go. Weird. I'm in Edmonton tonight for the celebrations on Whyte avenue, so look for us!

Everyone was very appreciative of Toronto, and especially my Gretzky jersey. I love the city of Champignons.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Impromptu Toronto Appreciation Day in Edmonton!

Hi Guys!

This Toronto Appreciation Tour is going great. I was just in Banff where citizens were overjoyed as per usual with Toronto Appreciation Day, and tonight I ended up in Edmonton for their beautiful overtime win! I mean, they're no Leafs, but I suggested to many Edmontoneers to look to the Leafs for inspiration. The last team to overcome a 3-1 deficit in the Stanley Cup playoffs was Canada's team - The 1942 Leafs:

Edmonton is sort of Canada's back-up national favourite team so its tres fitting I think. I, thankfully, had my beloved Wayne Gretzky Leafs jersey with me (we all know Wayne would have loved to play for the Leafs, eh?), and I showed it to all the Edmonton fans, and they sure loved it! This even though dozens of people started telling me in Vancouver that Edmontonners were going to "kill me' and that I should wear "kevlar". Pshaw - they hugged me like Dean Haglund did in Vancouver! (see Vancouver post below). It must be a west coast thing.


I decided to join in on some of the celebrations last night, and all the Oilers fans were very eager to show their appreciation to Toronto. They were cheering all the time, and smiling, and dancing in the streets -- all because we were there!

hi mom

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go leafs go!


That's it from me - I'm catching a ride to Calgary! I can't wait to see their happy faces when I come into town!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Toronto Appreciation in the mountains

I'm sorry I've been sparse about updating. I'm on my way to Calgary and Edmonton, walking through the mountains and stopping in little towns along the way. Osoyoos, Chilliwack, New Denver, they've all been hit by the Toronto Appreciation bug.

It's a wonderful feeling to see all the people's faces light up when I mention the TTC strikes, the crackhead fights, and the bright, bright lights. People have their stereotypes of our fair city, and I'm shattering them.

I can't stop now. Toronto needs me more than ever. I won't stop until the entire country knows just how much they should be appreciating Toronto.