Thursday, August 10, 2006

Enough is Enough

Toronto Appreciation Day was going well in Montreal. I gave my speech to Montrealers, including a few words about keeping a sense of pride about yourself and not letting the city get tatty (see the entry about the Cross below). I did some informal polling and presided over what was a fairly positive public discourse on Toronto and its place in Canada. Of course there were a few vulgarities and misguided rants but overall I felt things were going well. Then the comedy troupe The Dancing Cock Brothers. showed up.

They had heard about Toronto Appreciation Day through a blurb in Montreal weekly the Hour and asked to play a song. This is precisely the public square kind of thing I have been inviting Canadians across the country to do so of course I immediately agreed this was a smashing idea. Until they started singing.

Three of these guys are Montrealers and a fourth, Ryan Hipgrave, is an ex-Torontonian. Their song Goodbye Toronto, Bonjour Montreal is about how the three Montrealers help Ryan when he falls off the wagon so to speak and wants to move back to Toronto. How ironic when Montreal is obviously the drunker and less productive.

Here are some of their snotty lyrics:
Ryan (recovering Torontonian): "We have MuchMusic, Bravo and Citytv –
Three Montrealers: But nobody knows how to play good hockey."

I’m a civilized guy but I really think that this kind of so called satire is just destructive and has no place in a country like Canada. I wasn’t just disappointed, I was increasingly angry with their waggly faced sneers about how much cooler and hipper Montreal was.

I am sorry to say I lost my cool and physically attacked one of them. Kyle is the Montrealer smart mouth that I tackled as you can see in the photos and then I more or less took on the entire troupe with some ground wrestling. Me and Mats Sundin and Zidane are gentlemen and skilled tacticians first but you push and you push and you see what you get. You get a little of the old push back. My parents are from Belfast and have instilled not only a strong work ethic in me, but also what is called Northern Irish Diplomacy. Sorry Kyle but that’s how I roll, don’t let the suit fool you. I may look like a soft handed office pimp but I guess you know different now. Bitch.


Anonymous Kyle said...

All I can say is watch your back, Cyclops. We Montrealers, we have memories like elephants..... elephants who smoke a lot of pot. But the point is, if I'm sober and I see you, I'm apt to kick your ass. I'm up for a rematch, anytime anyplace.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Mr. Toronto said...

You got it. This is on.

~ Mr Toronto

1:08 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Got your back, Mr.

4:28 PM  
Blogger Mizzen Man said...

Hey there Mr. "T.O."... Enjoyed sharing my stage with you today on the PEI/NS ferry... Good luck with your documentary, and future endeavours...

Wayne Burke

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The DCBs kick ass, and that song is amazing. Get a sense of humor...Being Canadian is about being able to laugh at yourself...If Torontonians can't do that, it's no wonder the rest of Canada dislikes them.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The DCB include a Toronto bashing skit (or two) each show. The 'ex-Torontonian' apparently actually grew up in Brampton...and I figure he's so vehemently anti-TO in an attempt to assimilate/belong there in that "How the Irish Became White" way (interesting read, btw). Some of the DCB's other material can be a bit funny (kinda like a third or fourth rate Kids in the Hall skit that never made it to air).
Can't wait to see the doc at the Bloor Cinema on the 20th!

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why can't there be a movie
"lets all hate Quebec"
seems ok to put down Toronto and Alberta in Canada, the only 2 places that make any money and support the rest of Canada.

2:44 PM  
Blogger sir dan said...

typical TO behaviour in Ottawa....we get teamed up with 2 guys in their early 30s at a great golf course...we play regular tees but nooooo....they're playing from the PRO tees and proceed to flog their ball around the course...they talk loud...saying "I was hitting it 300 yds yesterday!???" This just confirms that many are aholes


12:49 PM  
Blogger sir dan said...

I would say my biggest beef with Torononians is that for many years they have received millions more compared to any other jurisdiction in the province for their educational system...they have been spoiled and have had many more opportunities...I'm originally from Northern Ontario and many talented people have been left by the wayside because of lack of funds (musicians, poets, actors,....)


12:59 PM  
Blogger ladyval said...

Mr. Toronto,
I am originally from Northern Ontario and lived in Toronto for 20 years and met many lovely people. Unfortunately, it is guys like you that give "TO-the good" a bad name. The sad thing is, you don't even realize that by insulting Montrealers and Ottawans, you are proving why people don't like Torontians.
Grow up....get off the tv and please keep your slanderous and insulting comments to yourself....
Lady Val

1:47 PM  
Blogger ladyval said...

Dear Anonymous,
Sadly, it is people like you an Mr Toronto (Torontonians, i presume) that aren't even aware of their own country's geography, economic base(natural resources)or that most of Canada's wealth resides in remote areas that are rich in soil, ore and lumber. Educate before making statements like Toronto and Alberta are supporting the rest of Canada....get a life and learn about your country before embarassing any more Canadians...

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some people take a joke way too seriously (see above)

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am from Montreal, and Toronto is boooring! At 11 p.m dead... nothing ...Nada... But here people actually live in the city, not in the suburbs! Montreal is alive 24/7 Toronto well monday to friday from 9am to 5pm

10:51 PM  

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