Mr Toronto

Now is your chance to come to Toronto Appreciation Day!

2006-09-01T13:23:00.000-04:00

As the Toronto Appreciation tour comes to a close, I can't help but think that I am forever a changed man. I can no longer take this city for granted because so many other people do. Sure, Toronto has its problems, what world class city doesn't? Pollution, crime, garbage, these things will exist in any city, let alone one that has millions of residents! I will not rest, I cannot rest, until this city gets the credit it deserves.

We still have one more Toronto Appreciation Day in Hamilton on Labour Day Monday, September the 4th. At 3 PM come to Lot J at the Ivor Wynne Stadium, where The Toronto Argonauts will be playing the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. It's bound to be a great time!

Enough is Enough

2006-08-10T13:07:00.000-04:00

Toronto Appreciation Day was going well in Montreal. I gave my speech to Montrealers, including a few words about keeping a sense of pride about yourself and not letting the city get tatty (see the entry about the Cross below). I did some informal polling and presided over what was a fairly positive public discourse on Toronto and its place in Canada. Of course there were a few vulgarities and misguided rants but overall I felt things were going well. Then the comedy troupe The Dancing Cock Brothers. showed up.

They had heard about Toronto Appreciation Day through a blurb in Montreal weekly the Hour and asked to play a song. This is precisely the public square kind of thing I have been inviting Canadians across the country to do so of course I immediately agreed this was a smashing idea. Until they started singing.

Three of these guys are Montrealers and a fourth, Ryan Hipgrave, is an ex-Torontonian. Their song Goodbye Toronto, Bonjour Montreal is about how the three Montrealers help Ryan when he falls off the wagon so to speak and wants to move back to Toronto. How ironic when Montreal is obviously the drunker and less productive.

Here are some of their snotty lyrics:
Ryan (recovering Torontonian): "We have MuchMusic, Bravo and Citytv –
Three Montrealers: But nobody knows how to play good hockey."

I’m a civilized guy but I really think that this kind of so called satire is just destructive and has no place in a country like Canada. I wasn’t just disappointed, I was increasingly angry with their waggly faced sneers about how much cooler and hipper Montreal was.

I am sorry to say I lost my cool and physically attacked one of them. Kyle is the Montrealer smart mouth that I tackled as you can see in the photos and then I more or less took on the entire troupe with some ground wrestling. Me and Mats Sundin and Zidane are gentlemen and skilled tacticians first but you push and you push and you see what you get. You get a little of the old push back. My parents are from Belfast and have instilled not only a strong work ethic in me, but also what is called Northern Irish Diplomacy. Sorry Kyle but that’s how I roll, don’t let the suit fool you. I may look like a soft handed office pimp but I guess you know different now. Bitch.

The Cross

2006-08-08T17:32:00.000-04:00

I started this Toronto Appreciation Tour to make a difference, and it's definitely starting to show.

A few weeks ago we arrived in Montreal. Everyone knows that while the symbol for Toronto is the CN Tower, the symbol for Montreal is its cross, the post modern, post Catholic thing-a-mabob perched atop Mount Royal. I guess you could say Montreal’s Olympic stadium is the symbol of Montreal as well but its been dangerously crumbling for a while now and I don’t want to be inflammatory about such matters.

But back to the cross. I was horrified to notice that Montreal hadn't maintained even the most basic maintenance.

Yes that's right, a bunch of light bulbs were out on the cross. An Irish couple I know who recently moved to Toronto visited Montreal two weeks before I went and they told me that the bulbs were out at that time as well. As such I understood that this situation had been left unchecked for far too long.

"Not good enough," I said to myself, not as a Torontonian, but as a Canadian who has great affection for Montreal in a big brother sort of way. God, or the Greater Power as some call him, agreed as you can see from the lightning in the photos. And no that's not a photoshop job that's real lightning.

In true Toronto style I rolled up my sleeves and got to work, bypassing the wine, jazz and beautiful women as we so often do here in Toronto so that Canada can run smoothly.

That cross is a not only a symbol of Montreal but of Canada and it reflects on all of us. Now, the Toronto Appreciation Tour is always a popular topic for media wherever we go in Canada and I made a decision to leverage our coverage to make some changes.

The day after I arrived I went on This Morning Live on Global television and had four talk radio appearances. At each opportunity I pounded home the message that we as Canadians have to take care to keep up appearances for our international friends that visit. But more than that we have to maintain our cities and tourist attractions for our own sense of dignity and self worth.

Maybe that makes me "uptight" or a "busybody" from Toronto but by goodness when I see something that needs doing I just up and do it.

The immense media pressure I exerted did not go unnoticed. The light bulbs were replaced the next day. It took me 24 hours to get the city to replace those light bulbs and I can't tell you how that gave me a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Immensely so.

As a side note here is my hilarious but true joke about Montreal. It is in the spirit of Just for Laughs comedy festival that was on during our stay in Montreal.

Q: How many Montrealers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes one Torontonian.

That’s what we do in Toronto, we keep Canada running.

No need to thank me Montreal, thank Toronto and our can-do attitude towards playing hard but also working hard.

Happy Canada Day!/Toronto Appreciation Day!

2006-07-04T11:45:00.000-04:00

Canada Day, Toronto Appreciation Day in Ottawa. The stage was set. And what a smashing success it was. Good, good stuff.

Ottawa and Toronto share a mutual respect, because generally people who hate Toronto often hate Ottawa for the same reasons. Like "Let the Eastern Bastards Freeze" etc.

There is also the hockey rivalry between the Senators and the Leafs to consider. But here's an interesting notion. If it had been the Senators that went to the Stanley Cup playoffs against the Carolina Hurricanes, Toronto would have been behind them for the most part. And I think that the Ottawa fans would have been behind the Leafs. Sure there would be some die hards but this is about bringing the cup back to Canada from the States. Edmonton and Calgary, however, would both rather see Americans take the cup over eachother. Interviews we did in Calgary were unanimous. "No way, we want the Hurricanes to win. Screw Edmonton."

Chew on that for a sec. Tastes funny doesn't it. Point is that Ottawa, whenever it meets Toronto in the playoffs, chokes. They are chokers. Choke-a-matic.

That said, Ottawa DEFINITELY showed the most appreciation for Toronto. The pictures don't lie. Hundreds of people and fireworks etc. It was FUN! And I'll tell you what, some people have called Ottawa the comfortable shoe capital of Canada. I now know this to be true. Way to go Ottawa.

Some guy from Calgary pointed out that he didn't come all the f-ing way from Calgary to see a f-ing Toronto Appreciation sign. Maybe he didn't know that Canada day and Toronto Appreciation day are essentially the same thing. Toronto is the engine that drives Canada after all.

Here is some cows - they like Toronto obviously. Its clear. Clair comme l'eau de source the French say.

This is Bath, Ontario near Kingston. I accidentally called them Sink but that didn't "dampen" their spirit of appreciation. That was a good jump.

Oh and here we are near Athol, Ontario (snicker) at a beach called the Sand Dunes. And como lo usual everyone was into it.

Sanctimonious Icebox? Don't think so.

2006-06-29T15:43:00.000-04:00

Well you know a lot of people say that Toronto is a sanctimonious icebox, that's its uptight and too politically correct and you have to play ultimate Frisbee for three years before people will allow you into their social group. And OK sure this is the same city that wouldn't let the Bare Naked Ladies play in Nathan Philips square because of their "controversial" name and yes its the same place that wouldn't let Toronto based Ms Universe Natalie Glebova link to story speak at that same square because beauty contests are too sexist. HOWEVER, Mr Toronto was looking to illustrate that that is simply not the case. I joined the gay pride parade on Sunday, June 25th. Now gay pride is about as unuptight as you can get. Leather boys and caribana queens syncro dance with drag kings and lipstick lesbian hotties. Its a real departure from the Toronto that is mired in Protestant conservatism (and the same city culture that didn't have an outdoor cafe until 1968 -The Diplomatico). The parade hall monitors almost kicked me out which was going a ways towards showing that even a gay pride parade can be uptight when something FABULOUS happened. Aggressive hot lesbians tore off all my clothes. Yes that's right I was ravaged and left as breathless and naked as a Conan the Barbarian love interest.

I began my standard "here's me" dancepanther approach to a stunning brunette with Jackie O sunglasses- that seemed to be going well. My latin dance training was coming in handy. The slow yet sensual approach created a space and began to captivate the crowd. The music was building to some sort of crescendo.Tout a coup a blonde surfgirl grabbed my hips from behind and began a grinding thing. Who was I to complain? Jackie O had a rascally look in her eye and moved to the beat slowly closer to me. Smiling devilishly. With a sudden lunge (keep in mind there are hundreds of people watching along Yonge Street) Jackie grabs my shirt as the blonde surf woman tightened her grip on my hips and Jackie rips off the shirt in one tiger-like tear. A leather boy and a Pippi Longstocking of some description joined in the strip Mr Toronto fray. The music exploded into full bass bashing swing. As my chest was exposed to the sun, I gasped and the crowd went bananas. My shirt was in shreds, my pants were partially ripped and left drooping around my ankles. I was left to gather my tattered clothing and my dignity and limp along the rest of the parade route.

Sanctimonious Icebox? I think not.

Home for a Rest

2006-06-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

After my world wind trip out West, I have finally made it home to my beloved Toronto.

The CN tower never looked so beautiful as I drove back into the city. It nearly cause a small tear to form in my eye. I LOVE THIS CITY!!! The more I travelled, the greater this city looks. Yeah, Vancouver, Banff, Calgary, and Edmonton were nice and have their little place in Canada. But TORONTO is KING!

So now I am going to take a little break to rest my weary body from all the (neck) hugs I have received, and enjoy this wonderful city I call home before I travel to the East.

I have to admit; this was a great trip, met nice people, ate well, drank better and had a great time. BUT and here is the BIG BUT.

Mr. TORONTO is VERY UNHAPPY about one thing.

Mr. TORONTO’s PRIZE possession is missing. Mr. Toronto’s now very famous Maple Leaf/Gretzky Jersey is gone (and yes, Mr. Toronto realizes Mr. Toronto is referring to himself in third person). Someone has ‘borrowed’ the jersey right from under Mr. Toronton in Edmonton. Perhaps it is because Toronto is such a safe place that Mr. Toronto has grown less vigilant about his personal property, and missed the culprit in action. Well Mr. Toronto is VERY sad right now and has to go walking in his much-adored town to try and make sense of this evil shirt-napping.

If anyone knows anything about this shirt, please contact Mr. Toronto via this website.

Please don’t keep Mr. Toronto crying, especially since he no longer have a jersey worthy to wipe his tears with.

More Edmonton Pictures!

2006-06-19T14:03:00.000-04:00

Go Leafs Go! Er, I mean Oilers, although, we all know who they are looking to for inspiration. S'funny - they chant let's Go Oilers but all the posters say Go Oilers Go. Weird. I'm in Edmonton tonight for the celebrations on Whyte avenue, so look for us!

Everyone was very appreciative of Toronto, and especially my Gretzky jersey. I love the city of Champignons.

Impromptu Toronto Appreciation Day in Edmonton!

2006-06-14T23:39:00.000-04:00

Hi Guys!

This Toronto Appreciation Tour is going great. I was just in Banff where citizens were overjoyed as per usual with Toronto Appreciation Day, and tonight I ended up in Edmonton for their beautiful overtime win! I mean, they're no Leafs, but I suggested to many Edmontoneers to look to the Leafs for inspiration. The last team to overcome a 3-1 deficit in the Stanley Cup playoffs was Canada's team - The 1942 Leafs:

Edmonton is sort of Canada's back-up national favourite team so its tres fitting I think. I, thankfully, had my beloved Wayne Gretzky Leafs jersey with me (we all know Wayne would have loved to play for the Leafs, eh?), and I showed it to all the Edmonton fans, and they sure loved it! This even though dozens of people started telling me in Vancouver that Edmontonners were going to "kill me' and that I should wear "kevlar". Pshaw - they hugged me like Dean Haglund did in Vancouver! (see Vancouver post below). It must be a west coast thing.

I decided to join in on some of the celebrations last night, and all the Oilers fans were very eager to show their appreciation to Toronto. They were cheering all the time, and smiling, and dancing in the streets -- all because we were there!

That's it from me - I'm catching a ride to Calgary! I can't wait to see their happy faces when I come into town!

Toronto Appreciation in the mountains

2006-06-06T11:04:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I've been sparse about updating. I'm on my way to Calgary and Edmonton, walking through the mountains and stopping in little towns along the way. Osoyoos, Chilliwack, New Denver, they've all been hit by the Toronto Appreciation bug.

It's a wonderful feeling to see all the people's faces light up when I mention the TTC strikes, the crackhead fights, and the bright, bright lights. People have their stereotypes of our fair city, and I'm shattering them.

I can't stop now. Toronto needs me more than ever. I won't stop until the entire country knows just how much they should be appreciating Toronto.

Toronto Appreciation Day - Vancouver! Part 2

2006-05-27T13:36:00.000-04:00

Well, it appears that some people have decided to express their love for Toronto in unconventional ways.
Like by punching me in the face. This guy actually did punch me in the face. For real. I'm not kidding.
Photo courtesy of Jack Simpson

Don't worry. Vancouver, I still love you! Even if you are a bit of a provincial backwater. It's the Toronto way.

Toronto Appreciation Day - Vancouver!

2006-05-26T13:02:00.000-04:00

Hey guys!

Toronto Appreciation Day in Vancouver was a great success! We even had people protesting with us, although they were saying something about immigration rights. But I'm sure I heard the words "Toronto rules" somewhere in their chanting.

We parked ourselves in front of the Vancouver Museum of Art on Robson street. People loved our singalongs, they hugged us and danced with us and had an all around good time. See, Vancouver - we're not such bad people!!

One of our new friends took some pictures for us. Jack Simpson, thanks for these wonderful images.

I'm in Vancouver!

2006-05-23T11:27:00.000-04:00

So I just arrived in Vancouver, and already I'm feeling the Toronto Love! I recognized one of my best friends from the TV-show X-files, Dean Haglund, and as I was telling him about how great Toronto is, he leapt up and started, er, hugging my throat... with his hands. He was really excited about the idea.

Coming up soon, a full out Toronto Appreciation Day - IN VANCOUVER!

Toronto-Hating - the common theories

2006-05-19T17:03:00.000-04:00

1. TORONTONIANS

One of the main complaints of people who visit or move to Toronto is that people are unfriendly and emotionally cold. Is it a Protestant thing? A big city thing? It’s also a common perception that people are obsessed with work and money in Toronto -- so much so that everything else takes second place, including people’s personalities.

2. JEALOUSY

Many people outside Toronto believe Toronto, the financial capital of Canada, has all the money. This kind of Toronto-hating is very convenient when you’re broke. It is possible that Toronto is simply the richest and the best and people are jealous.

3. “THEY THINK THEY’RE NEW YORK”

Many Canadians hate Toronto because apparently many Torontonians believe they are New York.

4. THE MAPLE LEAFS

Does Canada hate Toronto because of its perpetually losing ultra-rich hockey team? Is “GO LEAFS GO!” like sandpaper on the rest of Canada’s ears? Is CBC coverage too Toronto-centric?

5. TORONTO IS THE ANTI-THESIS OF CANADA

If Canada is roaring rivers and towering timbers, then Toronto is a big fat polluted city.

6. TORONTO IS BORING AND PURITANICAL

City bureaucrats refused to allow Torontonians Natalie Glebova be “Miss Universe” on city property. Similar to when the Barenaked Ladies weren’t allowed to perform on city property because of their rude band name. And many say that “Toronto the Good “ is so good that its boring.

7. FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA: TORONTO HATING UNIFIES CANADA

It is perhaps a symbolic glue that has evolved to promote national unity. What do the Maritimer fisherman, the artsy Montrealer, the Calgarian Oil cowboy and the Vancouver tree-hugger all have in common? Toronto-hating.

CHALLENGED BY THE FACTS

What’s interesting about Toronto-hating is that today, it is challenged by the facts. Toronto is Canada’s most diverse city, with some of the country’s wildest nightlife and its share of rich and poor. Toronto drives much of the Canadian economy, and few residents are under the illusion they are living in the New York of the North. Yet Toronto-hating lives on.

Heading across Canada

2006-05-13T16:47:00.000-04:00

So here's the deal.

It seems that everyone else in Canada has a chip on their shoulder. The rest of Canada looks to us like the annoying older sibling who gets all the attention. They make fun of us, call us names, and try to diminish the sheer awesomeness of my fair city. Torontonians are supposed to be ashamed that we are the "Centre of the universe," that we are the best city in the world, that we are an economic and multicultural marvel.

I'm going on a tour. A cross-Canada tour. Called the Toronto Appreciation tour. We will be hosting Toronto Appreciation days in cities across Canada to give fellow Canadians a chance to openly admit their love for Toronto. I've got my toothbrush packed and my shoes tied tight.

Look for me, Canada, in a city near you.

This will only make sense to about 8 million people

2006-05-05T00:08:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up to the smell of sweet, sweet smog. I then hopped on the red rocket and went to Fran's for breakfast. Then I walked over to kensington market, grabbed some fruit, and then went over to the ROM, because I love those free fridays. I took a lovely stroll down to the Bloor Cinema to catch a flick, and then took the TTC to the 501 over to the ACC and then the Rogers Centre. Up the CN Tower for a lovely overpriced dinner with my lady friend, then over to the Canon for a show. Finally, I hopped on the 505 and headed home.

Who's better than Toronto? NOOOOOOOOBODYYYYY!!